Last time I looked, I had 390 “friends” on Facebook (give or take depending on the day). As popular as you may think that makes me... in the world of Facebook, it's not very many when I see the thousand plus friends many of my other friends have on their Facebook pages. But I think the term “friend” has taken on new meaning in our age of social media. A “friend” is more of an acquaintance now. Someone you just kind of know. In some cases - it's even someone you've never met.
So these "social" friends are not what I would consider true friendships. It seems that fewer people than ever actually have life-long intimate friends any more.
Statistics tell us that most people are lucky if they have one “close friend” in their lifetime. And given the fact that Americans are moving from place to place more now than ever before it becomes very difficult to make and keep such a friend.
And it makes us ask the question – who, or what, is a real friend in today’s world? What does true friendship look like? What are the characteristics?
We see some of these characteristics in our lessons for today which discusses the friendship between David and Jonathan. Their friendship, you might say, is not your average friendship. This isn’t just two buddies hanging out and having a beer. While it’s good to have those kinds of friends… true friendship goes beyond just sharing the good times.
If you look at what happens in the story of David and Jonathan, David is brought into the palace by King Saul and the friendship between David and Saul’s son is born.
Later, Saul turns on David. He becomes jealous of David and tries to kill David. David runs off and goes into hiding – feeling as though the entire world has turned on him. This time in his life was more than likely the worst thing he had ever faced, and is probably when he wrote the 23rd Psalm – “yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me.”
It was during this period of David’s life that God showed his faithfulness and his love for David by providing Jonathan, a true friend. God used Jonathan to meet the needs of David as he journeyed through this dark valley.
For Jonathan, Saul’s son, stands up to his father and defends David. We only got a sampling of this story – but what winds up happening is that Jonathan goes to his father and demands to know how David has wronged Saul. Saul’s response – is to try and kill Jonathan, too. Jonathan, realizing his father really has gone off the deep end, aids David in his escape.
It takes a strong person to be willing to stand up to even their family members for the sake of a friend. These are not the kind of friendships we see too often in this day and age.
Today – you can gripe about something on facebook, and twenty people will be join in your griping, or express their opinion, give you advice. But to have a friend who is willing to risk his own life for the sake of yours, to risk incurring the wrath of his own family for yours… those friendships we don’t see very often.
If you’re hungering for a close friend, or for deeper intimacy in a relationship that you already have then there’s a lot that you can learn from the story of David and Jonathan. This relationship exemplifies four characteristics of intimate friendship.
First: a willingness to sacrifice. Look at the sacrifice Jonathan made for his friend David in our story today. We’re told that he stripped himself of the robe he was wearing and gave it to David along with his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt.
Jonathan’s actions were a lot more than just a generous personal gesture. The robe symbolizes the kingdom. Jonathan was the potential heir to his father’s throne, but now we see him sacrificing his future for David. He literally gives David his place as King.
Sacrifice is the ultimate example of intimate friendship. It’s the ability to put another’s needs, desires, and wishes above those of our own.
Ultimately it’s what Jesus showed when he laid down his life for us reminding us of his word’s in John 15:13 that “No one has greater love than this: to lay down one’s life for a friend.” Sacrifice is the ultimate example of intimate friendship.
Second: providing a loyal defense before others. Do you talk about your “friends” behind their back? It isn’t that we can’t acknowledge a person’s faults and say sure, this or that is a flaw…
but when a friend is being unjustly ridiculed or persecuted, how willing are we to stand up and defend them?
We’re told that Jonathan went to his father and spoke well of David. He stood up to his dad and said, “Dad, you’re wrong about David.” In fact, not only did he defend his friend, but he also rebuked his father for his attitude toward David.
A true friend is a loyal defense before others. A true friend won’t talk about you when you’re not around. True friends stick up for each other and defend each other when others attack.
Think about how many friendships you either know of or were part of that fell apart because one person found out the other had been speaking badly about them behind their back rather than defending them? We think this only happens in High School, but we know it happens throughout our lives.
A true and loyal defense… which is oddly enough what Christ does for us. He intercedes and defends on our behalf. Hebrews 7:25… “Consequently he is able for all time to save those who approach God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.” And John 2:1 - “if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.”
Third: intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves.
I think this is one of the best signs to determine if a couple is compatible for marriage. Do they have freedom to be themselves? There’s something very comforting about being with someone around whom you feel at ease because you know that they accept you for who you are.
In an intimate friendship you don’t have to explain why you do what you do. You just do it.
When David and Jonathan were forced to say goodbye as David had to go into hiding from Jonathan’s father, they wept together.
When your heart is broken, you can bleed all over a friend like this and he or she will understand. He or she won’t try to comfort you in your misery or tell you to straighten up. That things could be worse, that you just need to buck up and deal.
That’s what an intimate friend is like. Intimate friends let each other hurt. They weep together. If your friend needs to complain, listen. Intimate friends don’t bale, they stay. Intimate friends allow you to be yourself no matter what self looks like.
We know God is like this with us as well – we are told of how Jesus weeps with his friends Mary and Martha over the death of their brother Lazarus. He knows full well what he’s going to do, and he recognizes that Mary and Martha’s faith isn’t maybe what he wants it to be… but he not only lets them weep, but he enters into that weeping with them.
Finally – a true friend is one who is a constant source of encouragement. Later on in the story when the King’s men discovered where David was and Saul went out to kill him we’re told that Jonathan went to David and encouraged him in God.
He sees David at the lowest moment of his life, frightened and stumbling through the wilderness and he brings him encouragement.
I don’t know about you, but when I look at the kind of friendship that David and Jonathan has, it makes me long for that same intimacy in my own friendships. I mean, how many of us can actually say that we have a friend like that? Or how many of us can say that we ARE a friend like that?
You want to have a friend, you need to also be a friend. We’re all looking for these kind of friendships but are we the kind of people that others want to be friends with? Who are we friends to? Will others be better because they’ve spent time with us? Proverbs 27:17 says that as “Iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens the wits of another.” Are you the kind of person that sharpens your friends?
That’s the kind of friend that Jonathan was. Jonathan made David a better person. He encouraged him and helped him spiritually. He was good for David.
We all need a friend like this – and if we don’t have one, there’s one friend that will never leave us. Jesus tells us in Matthew 28:20, “Remember, I am with you always until the end of the age.”
In case you hadn’t noticed… if you don’t have an earthly friend like Jonathan, there is someone who fits all the criteria of true friendship: Jesus. He sacrificed himself for you. He stands in defense of you before His heavenly father. He lets us be ourselves and grieve when we need to grieve, rage when we need to rage – and through it all, encourages us and promises never to leave us alone.
Jesus is our Jonathan. And by building a relationship with Him, we are able to then be Jonathan’s to others as well. This is what we, as Christians, are called to be.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to encourage one another and build each other up. We are to stand up for one another. Not gossip or back-bite. We are called to be Christ to one another – therefore, we’re called to be the same kind of friend to one another as Christ is to us.
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