Fearing Failure

I remember taking my first geometry quiz on theorems when I was a sophomore in High School. It was a pretty dismal day. I think I got 24 out of 100 questions right.

Needless to say – Geometry was not my thing. In fact, I was a downright failure at understanding Geometry theorems. I passed the class, but to this day, I could still not tell you the point of a theorem.

I tried golfing for a while, too. Parents made me take lessons, the whole thing. Let’s just say the trees around the fairways are a lot healthier and retain a lot more of their bark when I don’t play golf.

Truth is – I’m a failure at quite a bit in my life. Some failures I’m willing to share… others not so much.

I’m not as willing to share some of the bigger failures, because…well, we don’t like that term in our culture. Failure. We don’t like to talk about the things we’ve failed at.



Failure means we’re somehow imperfect. It means we somehow don’t measure up. That when we make mistakes, there’s that big giant scale in the sky going “well, you messed up again…” and is just one more thing that can be held against us.

The fear of failure can paralyze us into not trying anymore. Scare us into thinking we just shouldn’t bother. We begin to think if we don’t do something really well, or don’t do it perfect – why bother doing it at all?

We have a society that pushes us to be the best at whatever we do, and when we’re not – that must mean there’s something wrong with us.

A society that pushes us to keep up with the Joneses, to be competitive to the point that we lose all sense at times of what is really important in our lives.

That hatred and fear of failure has permeated the church culture as well. When we mess up, make mistakes, fall off the wagon, backslide… whatever you want to call it – that imperfection is a sign that not only did we really screw something up in our lives somewhere and we’re embarrassed to let that be known – but that maybe, just maybe, that means we’re not good Christians.

As much as we claim we’re supposed to be a hospital for the broken, there can be no doubt that we hold each other to extremely high standards of perfection – quick to find the flaws and imperfections in one another, and equally quick to point them out once we discover them.

So we don’t tend to talk about our own failures. Happy to talk about other people’s, but not our own. Might make us seem weak – vulnerable… that we don’t necessarily really have it as together as people seem to think we do.

And yet – the entire Bible is filled with stories of failures. Our “heroes” of the Bible are flawed people who fail in a variety of ways.

Abraham – fails to fully trust God’s promise that he will have a child with Sarah and has a child with Hagar.

Moses – fails to keep the people from grumbling against God and worshipping other gods.

David – he fails as a father and role model on many levels.

Elijah – has great success on Mt. Carmel taking on the Baal worshippers, but then kind of just curls up and wants to die, failing to continue the mission God has sent him on once he finds out Queen Jezebel is out to kill him.

Isaiah – fails to stop King Ahaz from making a bad agreement with the Assyrians and fails to keep King Hezekiah from setting the kingdom up for invasion from the Babylonians. Almost all the prophets fail in getting the people to repent and turn back to God – with the exception of Jonah, and he’s angry he doesn’t fail because he never wanted the people of Nineveh to repent in the first place.

In fact – Jesus, in the eyes of the Jews – is also an utter failure as the expected Messiah. He doesn’t uphold their expectations and reinstate the nation of Israel. Big. Fat. Failure as far as Messiah’s go.

In the eyes of the world – these people, these “heroes” of the faith – are all utter failures.

And it doesn’t stop there. In our scripture readings for today we hear about two other failures as well – Peter and Paul.

Peter was one of the fist disciples Jesus called. Peter has his moments of great insight. Peter also fails to recognize Jesus’ mission in the world, and winds up denying him three times after Jesus is arrested. His professed loyalty and love for Jesus – falters.

Even after the resurrection – Peter still doesn’t really know what to do about his “failed” Messiah who is back from the dead. Overthrowing Rome still doesn’t seem to be part of the resurrected Messiah’s agenda, so… what to do?

Well, Peter goes back to what he knows and what he’s good at – fishing.

Only he’s a dismal failure there, too. They spend all night on that boat and they don’t catch a single thing. They’re ready to quit, to give up. It’s been an effort in futility.

I mean, it’s one thing to fail at something you were never good at to begin with. But to fail at what you’re best at? That’s always a bitter pill to swallow.

And then – along comes Jesus and says, “Try it… one more time.” Most of us would think he was nuts. You’ve been out all night, had no success, you’re experienced at this – you know that one more attempt is not going to make the fish suddenly jump in the net…

Only that’s exactly what happens.

They haul in a load, the nets don’t break, even though they should, and they sit and have a meal on the shore.

Then Jesus asks a pointed question to Peter… Do you love me?

Now, Peter’s response to this question is not quite the same as some “Like this picture if you love Jesus” thing on Facebook.
The answer to Jesus’ question, “Do you love me?” comes with responsibility and, in Peter’s case, a deadly mission.

Do you love me? Do you love me? No, I mean, do you REALLY love me? Because here’s the deal.

I’m going to send you where you don’t want to go. You’re going to have a belt tied around your waist and led to your death on account of my name.

So do you love me??

I had a friend one time who told me, “Yeah, I used to ask God to use me. He did. I quit asking Him to do that. He never used me in ways I really liked or wanted.”

That’s the problem when we really say “yes, I love you” to God. There’s something at stake when we respond to God, when we answer His call. Because answering that question can mean being sent out to fail. At least, as far as the world is concerned.

As far as the world is concerned, Jesus is sending Peter out to fail. He’s sending Peter out to do something he doesn’t want to do, to be led where he doesn’t want to go, and to eventually be killed for his troubles. In any other circumstance – that would be viewed as a failure.

Now, we have two thousand years of history to look back upon and say “well, actually, he wasn’t a failure – look at what’s happened since. Look at the purpose it ultimately served.” But at the time… from the outside looking in – what you see is that you have a failed follower of a failed Messiah going out to get himself killed.

And let’s not forget Paul – who, up until the Road to Damascus, is a resounding success as far as the world is concerned. A great Pharisee and follower of the law. A devout and righteous religious man who holds fast to his convictions.

Only thing he failed at was the one thing that mattered most – he failed to see God’s presence in the midst of those he was persecuting in God’s name.

When his eyes are finally opened, his blindness removed, like Peter, he too is sent out to essentially fail.

To suffer on account of the gospel.

To no longer live the good life.

To be beaten and stoned at times, to be imprisoned – that had to be an utter embarrassment to his extended family. “Our nephew the Pharisee… yeah, he’s in a Roman jail right now. We just don’t talk about him anymore.”

Failures. All of them.

And yet… It is in the midst of all these “failures” that God is doing his most powerful work.

It is in the midst of our failures that Jesus is able to enter into our lives and work with us. It is through the “failed” Messiah who died a criminal’s death on a cross that God gives us new life and hope.

Because when we’re not failures – we have this tendency to begin to think of ourselves as being so successful, we don’t really need God’s help. Other people need prayers, other people need support – but we’re doing just fine.

What we don’t realize is that God utilizes our failures to do his will in our world as much as he uses our successes. In fact, uses them more so.

That a risen from the dead Jesus makes the MOST sense in the dark, harsh world of poverty, failure, defeat, heartbreak or a brick wall that stops you dead in your tracks.

That the haul of fish only had significance after a night of crushing defeat.

As Christians we are not called to fear failure. We are called to embrace it as part of our experience, it’s part of our calling. We will fail at things.

Things will not go according to plan. Things may not get the kind of response we want. We may fall flat on our face, make some big mistakes along the way – but that’s where God then has the space to work a miracle.

We only truly fail – when we fail to respond at all.

So - "DO you love me?"