Scripture: Genesis 2:18-24; Mark 10:2-16
What if everyone actually had only one soul mate, a random person somewhere in the world?
That question was asked in the “what if” section of the XKCD.com website. They broke it down basically to this:
Assuming your soul mate lives at the same time as you and, to keep things from getting creepy, we’ll assume they’re within a few years of your age… most of us have a pool of around half a billion potential matches. And let’s say you meet 50,000 people in your lifetime – the odds of finding that one soul mate are one life out of every 10,000 lives.
Soul mate or not, people actually still do get married in this world. And… when people get married, that means, some people also get divorced. When I realized I was the one preaching this week’s lectionary texts, I thought this is either a tremendous teaching opportunity – or a tremendous disaster in the making. Because let’s face it - it’s a delicate and controversial topic, and I have seen this text get utilized on more than one occasion to bludgeon someone over the head with why they either need to stay in a bad or even an abusive marriage or used it to condemn someone who has gone through a divorce.
No matter how you want to frame it, no matter whether it was a divorce that “needed” to happen or not – it is never an easy process – and it hurts. A lot. It hurts the two people involved, it hurts their children if there are any, it hurts their families, it hurts their friends. When that one flesh that you were joined into gets torn and ripped apart – that doesn’t heal easily. A part of you is going to be damaged and changed forever because of whatever happened in that relationship that led to tearing the two of you apart. But flesh does not rip apart by itself. Something has to pull it apart. Divorce does not just “happen” – something forces two people apart. Something has happened that is so hurtful or so beyond repair. Some sin has run amok.
It’s easy for us to take a text like this and hold it up and say, “See – Jesus says don’t get divorced. End of story. Just suck it up and stay married.” That would be easy – but that’s not the point.
What Jesus is talking about is bigger than that. What Jesus is talking about transcends the issue of divorce – transcends even the issue of marriage – and delves into the very depths of human relationships and delves into issues of human justice.
It’s about our brokenness as human beings. A desperate and utter brokenness that enters every single aspect of our lives. Divorce is but one of the many relationship problems that is caused by our broken and sinful world, by the bad things we do to each other. It just tends to cut a little deeper in a marriage, causes more pain because this particular relationship is with the person you’ve shared yourself with as intimately as two human beings possibly can. It’s the person you probably trusted the most and the person who you were the most vulnerable with.
But let’s think about what the Pharisees are really asking Jesus in this passage. While a writ of divorce was accepted by the Pharisees so that a man could easily dismiss his wife, to do so left her vulnerable in a society where she had few rights and little recourse. To divorce your wife usually meant you were condemning her to a life of poverty unless she was able to find some other man to take care of her.
It’s no accident that the passage about the little children follows this text so closely. With similar compassion, Jesus rebukes the disciples who try to stop the little children who are being brought by their parents for a blessing. Children were seen as expendables, with little economic or social power. Yet Jesus considers them to be precious and worthy of his blessing. In fact, he emphasizes their value by saying that we must become like THEM to enter the Kingdom of God. We must become the vulnerable and the marginalized.
Jesus is, shockingly, in both cases, once again standing up for the outcast in society.
So what are the Pharisees really asking? “Jesus…When is it OK for us to marginalize someone? When is it ok for us to force someone into poverty and economic straights?”
Jesus’ answer is simple. Never. It’s never OK in God’s eyes to do that to another human being.
“When is it OK for us to be in a broken relationship? When is it ok for us to hurt someone?” Again – the answer is the same. Never. Broken relationships have never been what God has intended for us as human beings.
It’s what we do as humans – but it’s not God’s intent.
As Genesis 2 points out, the intent was we were created to be FOR each other. To live in community, to live to serve the other. That as humans, we have a unique relationship with one another that we don’t have with any other creature.
Someone who thinks and talks, hopefully shares some interests. We aren’t meant to be isolated and alone. Whether married or not, human companionship comes in a variety of shapes and forms. We are not meant to be isolated from one another. For those who think this passage means we are MEANT to be married, Jesus and Paul both uphold and praise the virtues and benefits to NOT getting married. So God’s point here is not everyone needs to be or even should be married. But we do need to be in community.
And Jesus points us to what that original intent for human relationship was. That’s what he wants for us, because that’s what God wants for us. And yes, that’s what he wants for our marital relationships as well – for those relationships to be about service and love, respect and faithfulness.
But it didn’t take long for what God intended and wanted for us to fall apart. Adam and Eve did not trust God’s word – and it all went downhill from there. We became self-centered. The blame game started. Trust was broken, betrayal happened – and human relationships became riddled with the effects of sin ever since.
Not only that – but our relationship with God severed as well. We were separated from God and have been ever since. There’s a reason God uses the marriage motif to describe our spiritual relationship with Him.
Throughout scripture God has always called his people his bride – and whether it’s been Israel or the Church, we’ve all been guilty of adultery. We’ve all strayed. We’ve all wandered. We’ve all sinned. We’ve all been part of numerous broken relationships in our lives. We’ve all betrayed God at some point. So we’re all at least separated, if not divorced, in that respect.
In fact – in the passages leading up to this, Jesus highlights that very point. He tells his disciples three times in the gospel of Mark, “The son of man will be betrayed…”
Our brokenness – our horribly broken relationship with God led to us betraying and murdering God. We nailed God to a cross. It doesn’t get much more broken than that, people.
So when the Pharisees come asking, “Gee, is it LAWFUL for us to cause pain, hurt, marginalization, and poverty, Jesus? Is it OK for us to betray one another and break one another’s trust? Is it ok for us to tear apart our families?”
The answer should be a no brainer. NO! It’s NOT OK! If it were OK, Jesus wouldn’t have had to come in the first place! If how we behave and act toward one another much of the time, if war, strife and betrayal were all things God was “ok” with – then why do we need forgiveness? Why do we need a savior?
But we are ALL caught in the same problem – we are ALL broken and sinful people. We all have relationships that have “divorced” us from another human being.
Ultimately, only God can enter into that messiness, that brokenness, and bring healing and restoration.
While I commend and revere every marriage that has managed to survive the messiness and the ravages of our self-destructive and selfish ways, before we hold up “divorce” as one of those “big sins” – take a long hard look first at ALL the relationships in your life – including your relationship with God – and ask yourself: where I have been the cause of pain, sorrow, suffering or betrayal for someone? Where have I played some part in a broken relationship? Whether it’s a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a child, a friend or a coworker – have I never hurt or damaged that relationship? Where have I been the cause of injustice and poverty? Where have I marginalized someone? Made someone an outsider? We Lutherans wouldn’t know anything about that, now would we?
Did Jesus say it was “ok” or that it was “lawful” for any of THOSE things to happen, either? No. The entire Bible is about the trouble and problems our broken relationship with both God and one another causes. It outlines for us the path that human brokenness paves, of Christ becoming vulnerable like those we marginalize in our society, culminating in our attempt to permanently divorce God, by killing him and hanging him on a cross. Abandoned. Dead.
God’s response?
Jesus is raised on the third day to new life. You humans may want to get rid of me, you humans may want to divorce me – but I don’t go away that easily. Instead, I am raised to new life, I call people into new relationship. I call people to new life. I restore what has been broken. I forgive the betrayal. I forgive the adultery. I forgive the murder you perpetrated against me to try and get me out of your life. I am the groom that wishes to reunite with my bride. I call you back to me – my people, my children. My brothers and my sisters. My family. I bring you back into one body and restore you.
Jesus is the author of new life, and new relationship. He calls us into a new relationship with one another as well as new relationship with God. A relationship that repairs and heals the brokenness of our sinful selves. A relationship sanctified and made clean by the blood of Christ. Jesus can do what none of us can do on our own. He redefines our relationship with God and with one another.
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